Letter to the world ( Raising homosexuality awareness) … I didn’t write this it was an email

5/25/2012

We must stop!! We must stop judging those that live differently or so called “out of the norm”, I completely understand that people have their own morals, values, beliefs, etc. but I also believe that the problem within our world today is that those that do not believe in ones life style tend to share their opinion negatively causing those who “live outside the norm” to feel unwanted, unwelcomed, denied, etc.  Well I’m one to tell you that I’ve been dealing with homosexuality since I was the age of six. Here’s a little run down on how I believe it all happened, or should I say all started. When I was younger my mother and father were hard working people, and because of that they needed someone to watch me majority of the time. My mother had this friend who had two daughters and the oldest, I thought was cool and knew all the things that I didn’t know; basically I looked up to her. It was one night when my mother and father needed someone to watch me, so I went to my mom’s friend’s house and was ready for bed. The oldest daughter decided that she wanted to play house and told me that I HAD to be the dad because every house needs a dad. When it was time for the mommy and daddy to go to bed she told me that she had to touch me because that’s what mommy’s and daddy’s do. So while she’s touching me all over my body, she gets lower and lower and lower, and I get afraid. I asked her what she was doing and she told me she learned it from her dad and she starts to lick on my vagina. It didn’t feel good to me it just felt like someone was wiping me with a warm wipe. The same thing kept happening and the older I got the less it happened.  These girls and their mother were Christians, they went to church every Sunday and at the time when I was younger I didn’t know that the things she was doing was wrong, so I never spoke up about it until recently. It frustrates me because til this day she acts as if she’s as “straight” as a board. By the time I hit high school I didn’t know who I really was, or who I wanted to be. I didn’t know if I was considered gay or straight. Don’t get me wrong I had boyfriends, but I do believe I had boyfriends to try and fit in with all my other friends that had boyfriends.  By the time I went to college I realized that I just might be gay so why keep putting up a front and just try having a girl friend. This was one of the hardest but happiest moments of my life; it was like finally I could be myself. Until the day when she told her parents that she had a girlfriend and they basically disowned her. I felt like it was my fault and that I should leave her alone so that her parents could accept her again. Next thing you know my girlfriend tried to kill herself and I felt like I was the reason and started to become depressed. I stopped eating, going to work, and school. I tried to reach out but at the time I was afraid to say anything to my parents. Then I had a mental break down, everything I was thinking about, the actions that I was doing all came out on the table the day I went to work and spoke to my supervisor about what had been going on. She said that she wouldn’t let me go home until I spoke to someone, such as a therapist about the things that were going on. I get to the therapist and they tell me I am on suicidal watch because at this point I honestly didn’t even remember the questions that she was asking, I just remember looking at the ground and wishing that I could just die. This feeling that I felt was a feeling that I never wanted to feel again. It’s just painful to see when I hear that another homosexual has killed themselves all because they can’t JUST BE WHO THEY ARE!! I have always been a tom boy, always on the basketball court, or the field, rather than playing with Barbie dolls, or painting my nails. Some of my friends parents ask if I am gay and because of my friends sake I have to lie and tell them no. Til this day I do not blame my parents for the things that happened to me. I do blame the people who do not see the bigger picture of what people believe is “not normal” because its majority of the time not that persons fault for who they are. I was born and raised a Christian and I know all about Sodom and Gomorrah, and that is one of the reasons why I fought for years to not be a homosexual. I have gone to church told the pastor the reason why I need prayer, went to Christian therapy sessions, but in the back of my mind I still felt who I was. I cry almost every day because I have to hide who I am and now I’m sick of it. I’m tired of people and their negative opinions, the old saying is “if you don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say anything at all” people need to remember that.   Majority of the time someone who is homosexual either grew up that way, or things may have happened to them. So instead of bickering about the person who is gay, what about pointing the finger at  the person who has confused their sexuality.

-Anonymous